Asking that BIG question, why I'm I here?

Psalm 3[a]
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.
1 Lord, how many are my foes!
    How many rise up against me!

I have been feeling of no use and of no importance, like a great sinner, such a terrible and horrible image. We all want to have a good image of ourselves.

God has been showing me my life and how ugly sin in me looks. Yet I sit and marvel at how good and righteous I feel I am.

This point is deeply hurtful and disappointing as I look at the reality of who I really am. The sinner who thinks is a saint.

Ps 3:2 Many are saying of me,
    “God will not deliver him.”[b]

Whilst the physical me feels that low, I start wondering whether I am good enough, the right wife, right friend, right mom, right sibling, right daughter? And I can hear this loud voice telling me I have failed terribly! I am terrible! I hear the devil accusing me. And since it is true, my spirit starts to feel the weight of the sin in me. And the question of why then I am here arises. I feel like things would be better without me.

And while I am at that thought, I hear the very quiet voice, the voice of my maker reminding me not to allow the accuser to speak over my life. Whilst the accuser of brethren is working hard to see me condemned, God quietly reminds me that He has paid the price for me and so I am a saint not because I have done anything good, CLEARLY, but because Jesus paid for my sins on the cross.

Then I hear the same voice of God reminding me that He has set His angels charge over me. He then reminds me to lift my head, that He is my glory and the lifter of my head.

He then opens my heart to the big question, why do I feel I am not worthy to be here and that I am of no use? Because my head tells me to do big things to be of impact, I am feeling frustrated that I am not doing the big things. By my standards, again.

The peaceful quiet voice asks me to resume what I was doing, blog, write those devotions. That is very big in God's eyes, I should stop trying to look for things I should do when He has already told me to do what I am doing now, write.

Ps3:3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,

    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

I feel my spirit lifting. I notice my mind is no longer overcome by the sense of guilt. I sense the accuser of brethren has fled. The angels of God are ministering to me.

I wake up and write, my heart feels fulfilled. I will keep writing and doing what God tells me to do now. Tomorrow is in His hands.

Then I sense He is pointing me to how subtle these thoughts are, yet driving many to suicidal acts.
Many are killing themselves because they don't see their usefulness in this world.

We all have a purpose in this life. It is a unique way to worship our maker as we serve and in turn we get a deep sense of satisfaction.

We must find our purpose, how? By doing what He tells us to do today. Tomorrow is in His hands.

We must find strength in God who gives this purpose, how? By accepting He made us and that He fully knows what we need and need to do.

We must start living our purpose in God, how? By realizing to get to God we need someone to bridge the gap. God is Holy we are sinners. Jesus Christ has become the sacrifice that took the sin away and brought us His righteousness.

Psalm 3:3 King James Version (KJV)

3 But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

Finish what you started

The end is better....
Have you started something a business, built a relationship with friends and family, pursued a career among many tasks and midway feel the deep urge to quit? Give up on that sibling? close up that business? pack up and go back home?

We find so much strength in hearing God say the words in Eccl 7, that the end will be so much better and we should look forward to seeing the end.

Eccl 7:8
8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
    and patience is better than pride.

It was a good fight, by God's grace
When we look back through the journey, we realize that truly the hand of the Lord has been mighty in our lives and He was working all things out. (Rom 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.)

We can then be able to look back like Paul and say that we have really fought a good fight, not because we were super people, but because we had an amazingly wonderful God.

2 Tim 4:7
7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

God is our perfect example
Gen 2:1-3
1 Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.

2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. 3 Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Prayer
God I want to be present and allow your strength to carry me and help me fight a good fight, for Your glory oh God. Amen

Some good resources as we wait
While We Are Waiting, God Is Working.: Christian Message Writing Journal
Joseph: A DVD Study: Waiting on God's Timing, Living in God's Plan
Cottonwood Strong: Bent But Not Broken
Finishing Strong: A Memoir.
Finishing Strong with Joy
At the Hang-Up: Seeking Your Purpose, Running the Race, Finishing Strong

Raising our children as God desires

Train the children

Prov 22:6

6 Start children off on the way they should go,

    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

• A parent is the first trainer, train your children

1 Cor 14:9

9 So it is with you. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air. 

• When you train a child, speak a language they understand. That way they can learn and follow the path God has set for them

Encourage the children, don't discourage them
Eph 6:4
4 Fathers,[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

• Don't frustrate your children (intensely irritating children)
• Train the children and instruct them in the ways of the Lord

Col 3:21

21 Fathers,[c] do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

• Frustrating children makes them bitter and discourages them in life. Overly correcting a child can actually frustrate and deeply irritate children

Training goes in hand with discipline

Prov 13:24

24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,

    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Resources for training children

Bible Verse Baby Quilt

Kitchen Lamb Bank with Scripture

The Toddler's Handbook

Baby Boomers Beauty Bible

The 23rd Psalm

The Essential First Nutrition Bible & Cookbook

Baby Swaddle Scripture Blanket with Bible Verse Quote

The Story of Baby Jesus

Your New Pregnancy Bible

The Babysitting Bible

Bible Pictures to Color (A-B-C Series)

Bible Baby: Colors

Our insecurities make us ill treat others

A very strange story takes place just after the fall of man in Gen 4:1-8. Cain and Abel are brothers uniquely gifted. Abel herds, Cain farms. They both go to offer a sacrifice to God. God accepts Abel's sacrifice and rejects Cain's. Cain invite Abel for a walk and KILLS HIM!

Gen 4:3-5, 8

3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”[d] While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

This story is quite bothering if you read the speed with which Abel is killed before we even hear about his life!and the person who kills him is his own brother! There were only 4 people in the world.

If we were to read through above scriptures again, it is clear Abel did not interfere with Cain's sacrifice or sabotage or make him look bad before God.

But Cain's reaction showed some things in his heart:

1. He believed Abel was the reason his sacrifice was not accepted
2. He subconsciously believed someone needed to pay for his 'rejected offerings' experience
3. He believed if his sacrifice was not accepted Abel's sacrifice should not have been accepted either
4. He believes Abel tried to outdo him in the offering
5. Because of the evil thoughts harboured in Cain's heart, he reacted. He acted on the lies he believed in his heart.

This story might feel far fetched but it is the reality of our lives everyday.

How often do I start believing a lie? So many times!

I am married and it is very easy for me to start wondering why my spouse is acting in a certain way. Slowly, I might notice that my actions and reactions are more led by the thoughts I now believe and think of my spouse. Insecurities suddenly become so strong and suspicion becomes my new hobby.

This is applicable in every sphere of our lives. We have believed lies concerning our friends, family members, colleagues, and we treat them as per the lies we believe.

We even believe in lies that cut across language and origin, cultures and ethnicity to the point that some actually kill those they believe to be different.

This is what God told Cain before Cain killed Abel:
Gen 4:6-7
6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

God warns Cain that sin is longing to have him! Cain was angry. God who sees the thoughts and intentions of the heart must have seen all the evil thoughts brewing in Cain against his brother.

2 Cor 10:5
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Today God is reminding us to quieten those thoughts in our minds that have started influencing us towards sin. We should take them captive and make them submit to Christ. We should speak to the thoughts in our minds and say No for God's glory. If we don't, our brains will create lies that will seem truths and corrupt us from within.

We can sin and be so casual about the sin instead of repenting
Gen 4:9
9 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

Sin has encroached and has taken over such that Cain kills Abel and answers God casually when asked about his brother. I'm I his keeper?

What began as a rejected sacrifice became a murder case because of thoughts that were not put under Christ. An innocent man, Abel, died because a perception had been formed in his brother's mind concerning him and eventually he was killed.

Gen 4:10
10 The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.

The innocent person cries out to God even in a situation like death, for the injustice experienced.

God wants us all to rule over this sin of the mind that distorts our view of others. He says we must rule over the sin that seeks to have us, Gen 4:7 by bringing our thoughts under Christ, 2 Cor 10:5

Amen

Resources
Jeremiah 29:11 Wall Plaque
Matthew 19:26 Gift Pen with LED Light and Stylus Tip
Jeremiah 29:11 Engraved Wood Handle Steel Hammer
Bible Verse Baby Quilt
Christian Art Gifts Mug
Journal Bundle for Women | Floral Print with Scripture Verse

Why do we run away from love when we sin?

Our reaction when we sin
When I do wrong, my natural instinct is to try cover up, down play the sin, assume it away or just run away hoping the sin will disappear.

There was a similar reaction when Adam and Eve sinned against God.

Gen 3:8-13
8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Our natural state is to first defend ourselves before we actually say yes we did wrong and take up responsibility for the sin. In fact in verse 12 Adam is hinting to God that he was okay and sinless until God did the mistake of bringing the woman sinner.
Eve blamed  the devil in verse 13.

Why then do we hide when we sin?

Sin has consequences, we are afraid of the consequences
Rom 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[b] Christ Jesus our Lord.

In Gen 3:10 Adam tells God that he hid because he was naked and afraid.
Adam acknowledges he was not in a state to face God. The reality of his sin was weighing on him.

Rom 7:15, 21
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

Paul expresses the frustration of trying to do good and ending up doing wrong. We probably feel so disappointed at ourselves and we feel we have disappointed both man and God so we want to get out of the puzzle and hope everyone's life will be better without us.

Matt 23:3-5
3 When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. 4 “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”
“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”
5 So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

Judas found himself in such a situation and in his frustration with himself he killed himself.

Is there hope then for us? YES

1. Paul asks this question too and the answer is God delivers us through Christ.

Rom 7:24-25
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[d] a slave to the law of sin.

2. God has given us a new identity in Christ when we sin we can confidently run to the father through Jesus.

2 Cor 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

3. God assures us that He will definitely discipline us but for a very good reason: He loves us and cares for us as His children

Heb 12:5-6
5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]

Resourceful reading
Raising Christ-Like Children
The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word
The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose

Your pain is in your area of calling be a ministry

Hannah's prayer
10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow,saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

I believe this was the first time that Hannah prayed to God and instead of asking for a child only, she committed to give back this child to the Lord. A child that she had waited for and longed for was now being released to God in faith.

This prayer turned to be about God and not Hannah.

Ministry is birthed through pain
This process was painful for Hannah. She experienced a lot of pain and torture from Peninnah. But one day, Hannah decided to release this matter to the Lord as a sacrifice to His Holy name.

Let us release our situations to God and tell Him that we are willing to serve Him through the experiences we have been through.

Rom 8:28
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.

God Himself assures us that everything will work for the good of the believers. Since God's desire is that many will love Him and come to the knowledge of His saving grace, we can trust Him to make beautiful our pain and minister to others through us.

God's grace is sufficient
2 Cor 12:8-9
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

This verse can be a beautiful prayer for ourselves and those going through seasons of pain that we may all emerge victorious through the trials.

Samuel, the son Hannah bore, became a great priest in Israel that God spoke through.
When Hannah allowed God to take over, God ministered to an entire nation.

God will use you to minister to nations, hold on.

Recommended resources
Journal of the Life, Travels, Sufferings, and Labour of Love in the Work of the Ministry of That Worthy Elder and Faithful Servant of Jesus Christ
God Is In The Waiting: Finding Strength in the Things That Cause Us to Pause
Give Your God Weakness and He'll Give You His Strength: Gift for Christian Lined Pages for Journal
Strength to Run: Hope and Strength in the Race of Suffering
''GOD is Within HER, SHE Will NOT Fall Psalm 46:5" - Inspirational Cuff Bracelet
God of Joy, God of Strength

Jesus wants your pain, go to Him

The world, a fallen state

This world is in a fallen state because of sin therefore pain and suffering form part of the evils of this world. There are things that happen in our lives that leave us asking why Lord? Why did it have to be me, us, them? 

A fallen world with so much evil. 

Is there hope? Will it get better? When will things turn around? We even wonder why some people who we think are terrible seem to be having such a great life.

A married couple will struggle to get babies and stay in pain for years, a teenager will engage in casual sex once and get pregnant ....

A man will work diligently and hard yet get retrenched, another man will get promotions on the basis of who they know....

An innocent child is killed in war, another couple is wishing they had no children...

A spouse will yearn for their departed spouse, another spouse yearns for their spouse to depart..

Death, sickness, joblessness, insecurity, corruption, rape, murder... So much pain in this world.

There are so many things gone wrong, yet our nature admits that there is a deep longing for someone to save us from the mess we have created through sin.

The bible (1 Sam 1-28)

A story is told of Hannah and Peninnah married to the same husband Elkanah, Peninnah with children and Hannah without. Yet Hannah was loved more than Peninnah and the husband assured her he meant more to her than ten sons would have. Peninnah kept provoking Hannah because she had no children. In fact Peninnah would irritate Hannah so much that she would cry and not eat. This was pain carried on year after year.

We are not told much about Peninnah but I am wondering whether she also was pained for not being loved like Hannah was, given huge portions of meat like Hannah yet she had borne Elkanah children. 

Our reaction that brings no good

My thoughts are taken back to Peninnah. I don't know if any woman would be comfortable or happy in her situation. Maybe she felt she had given Elkanah many babies yet she was not the favourite. She felt unloved. Peninnah is not seen going to God. What she did was turn to the 'enemy' (Hannah) and attacked her causing the poor woman more pain.

She reacted negatively and very little is said about her after that. In fact we don't know if she was ever loved which might be a very sad outcome.

Our response in times of trouble (and at all times)

The story above has a beautiful ending but for a moment let us focus on how these 2 ladies acted and reacted.

Hannah seems to have been going through deep anguish, maybe depressed. Not much is said about Peninnah but she must have been going through her own form of anguish.

Peninnah chose to irritate Hannah to the point that Hannah just cried and could not even eat. She pushed Hannah further into pain.

Hannah on the other hand bore her pain, cried and she did one amazing thing. Hannah poured her heart out to the Lord, poured all the bitterness in her soul. (v9 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. v10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.)

After pouring her heart out to God something amazing happened. v18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

There is hope

I believe the solution to all our issues is running very fast to Jesus. Jesus did something for Hannah, He took away the burden and gave her His burden. She received a peace beyond human understanding

Matt 11:28-30 (Jesus Christ is calling us)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Useful resources

Poems and Messages of Hope in Christ Jesus

A Story of a Grandma's Love: Sharing the Hope of Christ

Hope, Wonder, and Glory: Piano Solos Celebrating Christ's Birth

Christ the Only Hope, the Crusade of the Americas: 1968, 1969, 1970

The Threefold Gift of God; Or, Christ Jesus, the Object of Faith, Hope and Love

  

Guard your heart for God's glory

My eyes are like a camera and video recorder, capturing images and making my mind think through them and make me desire or repulse somethings.

One minute I will see a certain dress code and allow my head to just go on a spiral and I will notice that in my heart I have assumed that such a dress code would not be by a believer.

Other times I will look at the material things people own and secretly wonder what it would be like living their lives (lust, jealousy, envy).

There are times when I also see a passionate love for Christ in a person and my heart longs to love my God deeply.

What does God say concerning our eyes and how can we please Him with them?

The eye, door to the heart
Job 31:1
 “I made a covenant with my eyes
    not to look lustfully at a young woman.

What we allow our eyes to see should be honourable before God. Our eyes open our hearts to good and evil thoughts.

Psalm 101:3
I will not look with approval
    on anything that is vile.
I hate what faithless people do;
    I will have no part in it.

The psalmist and Job make a vow to keep their eyes from looking or approving that which is extremely unpleasant (evil). The reality of the matter is that our eyes actually act as door that can be very dangerous if we do not guard what we look at.

With the eyes we approve and disapprove what we consume. Our eyes can shun evil.

An unguarded heart and satan's destruction 
Mark 7:20-23
20 He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. 21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”

When our hearts remain unguarded, they bring forth traits that are evil. When this happens, we give the devil opportunities to destroy us. We give him a foothold in our lives and he only seeks to destroy us and make us miss on Jesus Christ's great salvation.

Jesus Christ's victory
John 10:10
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Christ Jesus has come to bring to life (make alive) the purity of our hearts so that we remain with pure hearts and live abundantly in Him.

The devil on the other hand is a thief who steals the purity Christ wants us to have, then kills us through sin and destroys us.

Romans 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

Recommended resources
Wireless Computer Mouse with BIBLE VERSE PSALM 101:3
Notebook-(Above All Else, Guard Your Heart)
Bible Verse Bracelet-(Above All Else Guard Your Heart)
Bible journal-(Above All Else, Guard Your Heart)

Submitting my thoughts to Christ

This world has the potential to challenge us to the extent that we can wake up and even doubt our real names! It is such a real battle that we are faced with everyday. When we look around us it is so easy to believe what the world tells us!

The world starts by telling us we are not good enough, we need to make changes on our image, we need to step up our social status, we need to act, think or speak in a certain way. If we are not careful, these expectations can erode the truths of God in us and plunge us in a bottomless dark pit.

So what does Christ say concerning our minds?

2 Cor 4:4
 4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

This world can cause us to stop believing what Christ has said concerning living lives in Him. Unbelief is followed by a blinding of the unbelieving mind which blocks our view of Christ's glory which reveals God.

What should we do?
1 Pet 1:13
13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.

Christ requires that:
Our minds be fully sober
Our hope be on God's grace revealed through Christ
We be ready for Christ's coming

Recommended resources
Personalized journal- (The Peace of God, Which Surpasses All Understanding, Will Guard Your Hearts and Minds Through Christ Jesus: Philippians 4:7)