Asking that BIG question, why I'm I here?

Psalm 3[a]
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.
1 Lord, how many are my foes!
    How many rise up against me!

I have been feeling of no use and of no importance, like a great sinner, such a terrible and horrible image. We all want to have a good image of ourselves.

God has been showing me my life and how ugly sin in me looks. Yet I sit and marvel at how good and righteous I feel I am.

This point is deeply hurtful and disappointing as I look at the reality of who I really am. The sinner who thinks is a saint.

Ps 3:2 Many are saying of me,
    “God will not deliver him.”[b]

Whilst the physical me feels that low, I start wondering whether I am good enough, the right wife, right friend, right mom, right sibling, right daughter? And I can hear this loud voice telling me I have failed terribly! I am terrible! I hear the devil accusing me. And since it is true, my spirit starts to feel the weight of the sin in me. And the question of why then I am here arises. I feel like things would be better without me.

And while I am at that thought, I hear the very quiet voice, the voice of my maker reminding me not to allow the accuser to speak over my life. Whilst the accuser of brethren is working hard to see me condemned, God quietly reminds me that He has paid the price for me and so I am a saint not because I have done anything good, CLEARLY, but because Jesus paid for my sins on the cross.

Then I hear the same voice of God reminding me that He has set His angels charge over me. He then reminds me to lift my head, that He is my glory and the lifter of my head.

He then opens my heart to the big question, why do I feel I am not worthy to be here and that I am of no use? Because my head tells me to do big things to be of impact, I am feeling frustrated that I am not doing the big things. By my standards, again.

The peaceful quiet voice asks me to resume what I was doing, blog, write those devotions. That is very big in God's eyes, I should stop trying to look for things I should do when He has already told me to do what I am doing now, write.

Ps3:3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,

    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

I feel my spirit lifting. I notice my mind is no longer overcome by the sense of guilt. I sense the accuser of brethren has fled. The angels of God are ministering to me.

I wake up and write, my heart feels fulfilled. I will keep writing and doing what God tells me to do now. Tomorrow is in His hands.

Then I sense He is pointing me to how subtle these thoughts are, yet driving many to suicidal acts.
Many are killing themselves because they don't see their usefulness in this world.

We all have a purpose in this life. It is a unique way to worship our maker as we serve and in turn we get a deep sense of satisfaction.

We must find our purpose, how? By doing what He tells us to do today. Tomorrow is in His hands.

We must find strength in God who gives this purpose, how? By accepting He made us and that He fully knows what we need and need to do.

We must start living our purpose in God, how? By realizing to get to God we need someone to bridge the gap. God is Holy we are sinners. Jesus Christ has become the sacrifice that took the sin away and brought us His righteousness.

Psalm 3:3 King James Version (KJV)

3 But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.